please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
