Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
