I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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