he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
