so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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