My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
