remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
