dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
