Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
