my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
