wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
