Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
