I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
