You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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