I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
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