he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it glows. i had to have it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize