I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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