he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
