The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
