I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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