I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
