thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm really busy with my period
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