Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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