Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
