It's Friday. Sex?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
