i wish there were pregnant emoticons
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
