I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
