Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
