remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
