If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
