lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am midnight drunk by noon
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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