what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
