My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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