don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
