Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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