I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
