not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
