wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
