My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
