so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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