I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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