i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Small penises have feelings too.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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