eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
