Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
