just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
