I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
