Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
