You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
