genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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