he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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