I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
