Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
