i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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