Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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