Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
