she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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