I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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