Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
