Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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