Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
