I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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