I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
