I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
