hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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