I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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