I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
