Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
