there's paper in my vomit.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
