I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
