I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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