Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
