it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
